TO: Taxpayers and Moms and things
FROM: Dept. Of Defense (DOD)
SUBJECT: About that 2 billion
First off, forget about the number. The 2 billion that’s gone missing isn’t really 2 billion. Not on our budget calculators.
All we’re saying is that if you superimpose the amount (of money temporarily unaccounted for) to our fair and balanced scale of budgetary relativity, 2 billion in our world is like a month’s car payment in yours. A Honda Civic car payment. Not even a minivan payment—definitely not one of those grand doodad minivans with button-pocked leather and pop-down movie screens and LoJack for when your grand car is grand-thefted off the Costco lot. That kind of car payment would be equal to a 4 billion dollar mysterious money walkout.